is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If I die, sorry about rent.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
