I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
