tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
