I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
