He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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