Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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