If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Randomize