Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
