You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
