I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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