he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize