she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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