I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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