you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
