She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
