My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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