i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
