if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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