think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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