That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
