Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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