And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
