i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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