wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
