Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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