I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My life is pants optional.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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