She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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