Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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