U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize