I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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