I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
