i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
whose parrot is this?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize