fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
