Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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