I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
