When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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