i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
