If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
