in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
