My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
