please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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