If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Swine flu is the new snow day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
