he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
