Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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