A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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