Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
