I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
