i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
