I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
