What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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