Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
