i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
