I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
