Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
