end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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