i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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