I need help removing her.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize