are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
