The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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