Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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