Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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