he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
