i jhust puked up my retainher.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I will pee on everything he values.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
