is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
