Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
