K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
