Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize