you would pick up someone in the library
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
