I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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