haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
