When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
