how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
