non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
