I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
did you just send me my own nude
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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