I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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