My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
