If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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