I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
