In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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