I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
