wat bout pragnant strippers??
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
