I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
