Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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