3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
