Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
