I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
