i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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