Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
