You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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