The maid of honor just puked.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I want her autograph on my taint
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
