Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
