Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
