I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
