PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
