I got chris browned last night
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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