what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
