I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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