someone get that fucking seahorse.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
