yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
