This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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