i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
