apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
