I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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