Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
