So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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