did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
