If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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