The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
