Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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