I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am spending my child support on dildos
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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