if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
