1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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