i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
its liver damage thursday
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
