It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im holly from the hills drunk
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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